"Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition" is a New York Times bestseller that provides a practical framework for navigating difficult conversations. The book outlines a step-by-step process for having productive and outcome-driven discussions, even when emotions are running high and the stakes are high.

The book provides practical tools and exercises for applying these principles in various scenarios, from workplace disagreements to personal relationships. It emphasizes the importance of creating a safe and respectful environment for open dialogue, even when dealing with sensitive or contentious topics.

Here are some ideas extracted from the book:

Crucial Conversations: the more crucial the conversation, the less likely we are to handle it well. Every aspect of your life is affected by failing during crucial conversations affecting not only your professional life, but personal.

Timing is Important: lag time refers to the delay between identifying a problem and initiating a crucial conversation to address it. This delay can be caused by a variety of factors, including fear of conflict, avoidance, or simply feeling overwhelmed by the issue. The more you delay the crucial conversations, you are penalized by the erosion of trust, escalation of conflicts, mission opportunities. Developing a culture where you address your point of view, in a respectful way, with a structured approach, is fundamental during this process.

"A problem well-stated is a problem half-solved." 

CHARLES KETTERING

Transparency and Realism: Choosing your topic in a crucial conversation isn't just about the subject matter; it's about transparency and realism. Work together transparently on needs and concerns, set realistic goals, and commit to action. Clarity and flexibility are your allies in navigating these conversations successfully. Three skills to find the right topic are presented here:

• Unbundle: dividing the conversation in Content (first time the problem comes up), Pattern (next time the problem comes up) and Relationship (when the long period with the problem affects the relationship).
• Choose: asking yourself "What I really want?" to maintain yourself in the right topic.
• Simplify: narrowing the problem down to a single statement.
  

Defining Goals: Starting with heart means defining your goals — not just for yourself, but for the other person and the relationship. It involves admitting to hurtful motives and shifting focus from winning arguments to understanding each other. Self-reflection is the compass that guides you to ask, “What do I really want?”. During moments of tension, remember that you are the only person you can directly control is important.

Separating Facts and Stories: Separating facts from imaginative stories is a skill that prevents unfair characterizations. It’s about admitting what you’re feeling, articulating it precisely, and avoiding the trap of creating a reality based on unfounded assumptions. Mastery of stories means controlling your emotions rather than being controlled by them.

Influencing Emotions: People who excel at dialogue aren't just good storytellers; they're emotion influencers. They understand that emotions influence actions, and by thinking through their emotions, they can act differently. The key is to recognize when emotions are driving the narrative and take charge to steer the story in a positive direction.

Signs of Crucial Conversations: Every conversation has its signs, but crucial conversations have distinctive markers. Paying attention to these signs is crucial. Understanding how things are said and what is being said are the compass points that guide you through the terrain of crucial conversations. Learn how to read physical signals are fundamental during this process.

Rebuilding Safety: In the heat of a conversation, safety can be compromised. Rebuilding safety requires finesse. Apologizing, expressing good intent, and finding a shared objective are the building blocks of safety. Using Contrasting, breaking the cycle of conflict, and rebuilding with an apology are the tools to restore equilibrium. Safety is not just about avoiding conflict but addressing it constructively.

Encouraging Sharing: Encouraging others to share their paths is an art that opens the door to diverse perspectives. The phrasing of your invitation makes a significant difference. Openness to learning and humility are the keys to effective dialogue. Creating an environment where others feel comfortable sharing their views is a skill worth mastering.

"One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears—by listening to them."

DEAN RUSK

Listening Skills: Improve the listening skills provides a way to focus on action, rather than leading a conversation to silence or violence. It is composed by some skills:

• Ask: Initiate dialogue by expressing genuine interest in the other person's perspective. This sets the stage for open and honest communication.
  
• Mirror: Acknowledge and reflect the emotions that the other person is expressing. This helps them feel understood and respected, creating a safe space for sharing.
  
• Paraphrase: Restate what you have heard in your own words to ensure that you have accurately grasped the other person's message. This demonstrates attentiveness and builds trust.
  
• Prime: If the other person seems hesitant to share fully, make tentative guesses about their underlying thoughts or feelings. This encourages them to open up and reveal their true perspective.
  

Hard Feedbacks: When you find yourself reacting to hard feedback, remind yourself that your reaction is largely within your control. “Retake your pen” by taking steps to secure your safety and affirm your worth. Four skills to manage this kind of situation: 

• Collect yourself: Calm down and regain composure before engaging with the feedback.
• Understand: Listen attentively to the feedback without interrupting or judging.
  
• Recover: Take a break if needed to process the feedback emotionally.
• Engage: Consider the feedback carefully and re-engage with the person if appropriate.

"No one can hurt me without my permission."

GANDHI

There are other topics that are useful for this interesting lecture. The most important message is that communication skills evolve with practice, observing others, listening carefully to people and, above all, always maintaining respect for others.

I hope you have enjoyed. See you next time!